Try to stay with me, I'm about to get deep...
Ava is non-verbal. I mean she coos and grunts and such. But she does not make any identifiable noises, for lack of better terms. And it has only been since age 2 that she really even coo'ed much. But going back to when she was an infant, as soon as she would drift into dream land, she would start 'singing.' And it wasn't words, but she would vocalize at different ranges, and 'trill' is the best way I can describe some of the noises she would make. I remember clear back when she was only like 6 months old, her nurse and I would comment that she was talking to her Angels. So that was just to give you some history on the subject.
Well, for the past year or so, she has been crying when she wakes up from a nap. I mean not just grumpy, she wails like she is in pain or scared, or both. Before I say this please understand that I do not claim to know the ways of God, or exactly how things work in the spiritual realm. But I do know this. We serve a loving God, who does ALL things to the good of those who love Him. And I know He loves my little girl and has a plan for her little life.
That being said, I have this theory. When Ava goes to sleep, I believe she is entertained by Angels and taken into heavenly places. I believe she has seen the face of God. Maybe when she sleeps she runs, and plays, and does all the things she should be doing right now if she were not handicapped. Maybe she even visits with my Mom, her other grandma who is in Heaven. Maybe when she is asleep she has no pain and can talk and laugh. We can only imagine what Heaven must be like. I mean there are thousands and thousands of accounts of people being taken to heaven only to return and tell us their stories.
So if she is entertained by Angels while she sleeps, she then wakes up in this world and has to re-adjust to her reality here. Is it any wonder that she wakes up crying?
Do not misconstrue what I'm saying. Ava seems to be a very happy child. And most medical professionals would call what she is experiencing neurological irritation. But do we reallllly
know what these kids feel? I mean they can't tell us, so it is all theory really. Doctors like to believe they know it all, but they really don't. They say they can prove it with fancy testing, EEG's, etc. But I talked with one pediatrician who told me about the day he quit believing what tests showed. He told me about a 5 year old little boy who was basically, born without a brain, only a brain stem. This child should have been a vegetable. He said when he walked out into the waiting room this child was running around getting into everything. He said never again will he allow a test to direct his opinion of a patient.
So that is my theory on my Ava wakes up crying. I believe she is entertained by Angels while she sleeps. I believe she walks hand in hand with our Lord and talks with her grandma Sandy. I believe she experiences the wonderful things while she sleeps, that her current reality in this world cannot give her. And honestly, this thought brings a smile to my heart.
No one knows what her life will be like in this world, or how long she'll stay in this world. But I do know one thing. God has Ava in the palm of his hand. I was given this vision when she was sick in the hospital, and I was shown that she was taken care of. It gave me a great peace about her life. I very much struggle when I see a little girl between the ages of 3 and 4 running around, sassing her parents, or whatever. Because that is what Ava should be doing right now. It is a big, big burden on both mine and Kenny's heart at times. But God continually gives me peave about Ava's life.
Kenny told me not so long ago...and the comment still makes me tear up. He said when he hears a little girl call for her daddy is makes his heart heavy. But he said he knows that one day he will "Dance with Ava in Heaven." Ahhhh, what a tear jerker. But so true!
Well, Good Night All!!